"The kids who need love the most will always ask for it in the most unloving ways." 1

My second son, Cedric, was a strong-willed baby, then toddler. Prone to getting frustrated by things that seemed trivial, he had no difficulty expressing his dislike of anything. He would have tantrums and cry until he passed out; a condition known as the Sobbing Syndrome. When I discussed this with his pediatrician, he warned me that it suggested an easily angered and rigid temperament in my son. Little did we know the many ways that statement would be true.

The red flags started to go up around the age of two; he would bite others and have major tantrums. I was shocked by this child who behaved so differently from his older brother; on the other hand, he was so bright! He spoke in full sentences at 18 months and could figure out puzzles that were well above his age level. By the age of four, he was throwing chairs at adults and hurting whoever was too close to him at different moments. He would punch me and pull my hair. That is when I called the CLSC and told them that I had concerns. They sent a psycho-educator to our home and we began working on parenting strategies to help our 'demanding' child. He began seeing an occupational therapist. Neither the psycho-educator nor the O.T. mentioned Autism Spectrum Disorders. His behaviour in Kindergarten was so unpredictable and violent that we were re-directed towards a child psychiatrist at the Centre de santé et services sociaux de Laval (CSSSL). All anyone in the outside world could see of my baby was that he was angry and violent. In all, it took four years for them to be able to diagnose our son with Asperger's Syndrome. Once I heard the diagnosis, I felt a sense of relief. Now I knew the culprit's name that was causing my child to be alienated from others. Knowing the syndrome’s name gave me the power to find resources, help, and support.

In the two years since the diagnosis, I have often thought about what it means to parent the ASD child. In my case, I speak of parenting the child with Asperger's, since all children on the spectrum are different, unique and have their own distinct traits. Asperger's Syndrome is a form of autism that is characterized by having difficulty reading non-verbal signals in others that we take for granted. The main challenges come from social communication, social interaction and social imagination. Interacting with others can cause high levels of anxiety and confusion. People with Asperger's Syndrome also have average or above-average intelligence.

Parenting Cedric is a gift that keeps on giving, both positively and in challenging ways. It is arduous yet tremendously rewarding. It is a family affair, as all members are transformed by the presence of this child. Our struggle has been to learn about the invisible disability that affects our son. He is a brilliant, funny, creative, passionate, and endearing child who sees things through lenses that are blurry for us. Yet, we have learned that his way is not the wrong way, it is just different. We have had to learn to open our minds and ears, attempting to see and hear what he sees and feels. What we thought of as odd became genius and creative, just another way of viewing the world.

I feel privileged to have been chosen as Cedric's mom. I am constantly learning about him, myself and living in a social world. I am regularly forced to re-define my ideals, views and beliefs. I feel an unparalleled sense of purpose to find acceptance and understanding for children who live with this disability. I have a deep desire for him to succeed in the social relationships that he initiates. I battle to contain my ugly emotions of anger and frustration when he loses control. I know that the anxiety that fills him daily is a burdensome cross to bear, so I cannot hold his meltdowns against him. I have had to become a prevention expert; what can go wrong and how can I avoid it? The skills that have developed in parenting my son have been unexpected blessings, signs that hardships do create strength.

1www.myaspergerschild.com/2010/09/parenting-tips-for-parents-with.html


About the Author;

Audrey Kannon is mother of three; a 17-year-old, a 10-year-old ASD child and a 5-year-old. She is a Kindergarten teacher with the SWLSB and has a passion for working with children with Special Needs.