Many of us greet the new school year with mixed feelings. Summer is often the time when we get to spend quality time with our children. In the summer gone is the regiment of early mornings, homework and early bed times. We welcome the slower days, the opportunity to listen to all their stories, have adventures, and read extra books at bedtime as the light fades. But, it can also be taxing to keep them busy and entertained and minimize the “Mom I’m bored! What are we going to do now?”So we smiled at the TV, as gleeful parents bought school supplies and welcomed the structure that the school year brings. And, at the same time, we began to ponder how we are going to keep the close connections and delicious feelings that come from having extended family fun time until summer comes again.

There is no question that Canadian parents love and want the best for their children. We work hard, often having more than one job, help them with homework, school projects, organize after school activities, drive them from 1 activity to another, and then finally get them into bed at a decent hour so they can learn the next day at school. It seems that in our efforts to give our children what we think they need, it’s possible that we may in fact be sacrificing the most important time of the day dinner time.

Do you remember how much you looked forward to dinner around the table? It was the time to tell the adults in your life about your day – both the highs and the lows. It was the place where you learnt to try one bite of the green vegetable, as well as the skill of waiting without interrupting when someone else was speaking. In many homes dinner time as family time is gone. Instead, mealtimes have often become more of an inconvenience in our busy evening schedules. Without missing a beat, many homes have given up this important social activity - whereas past generations have cherished the opportunity of this special daily ritual to nurture our relationships and take the time to really listen to our children’s life experiences.

According to a report put out by UNICEF (Innocenti Report Card 2011), we as Canadian parents have paid dearly for the loss of this important social activity. This recent study noted that despite Canada being ranked in the top 5 countries in terms of financial freedom, when the well-being of our children (compared to other developed countries) is ranked, our scores are disappointing; Canadian children rank 17 out of 29 countries in material well-being, health and education.

Are you surprised? Also, are you wondering with all that we do for our children, how this could be?

Well it isn’t all bad… some of the figures in this study are positive. We care about education and it shows. When it comes to participation and achievement in school, our children do well. Their performance puts Canadians in the top 50<>percentage<> way above the US, France and United Kingdom but below Poland and Slovenia.

When the study turned to life satisfaction, 84<>percentage<> of youth in Canada rate their life satisfaction as “fairly high”. On a superficial level we have reason to celebrate this statistic. However, when the questions got more specific and looked at the quality and closeness of the relationships, young people reported that they felt very different. When youth were asked whether their classmates are “kind and helpful” and whether their parents are “easiest to talk to”, Canada’s ratings fell to 4 below the bottom (25th rank out of 29). Our young people are not very satisfied with their relationships at all.

Our children develop within relationships. We their parents can help shape their development through our loving interactions, our discipline, and our affection. But we are not alone in shaping our children. For good or harm, our children’s development is also influenced by other relationships, including their friends, those that do not like them, teachers, coaches, etc. Of course, the most important relationship that helps foster healthy development is within the family environment. The love, security and stimulation that we provide prepare them to enter into relationships with others as they widen their social circles. We, their parents, want to pass on our values, teach them right from wrong, bandage their bruised knees and hold them tight when they experience the joy of success and the pain from disappointments, mistakes, or betrayal from friends. But relationships take time. Lots of time; time to talk, time to walk, time to spin dreams and time to share our histories and worries. Finding that time may be more difficult than we ever expected. Time spent exclusively with the intention of being in the moment… time when both parent and child are fully engaged with each other.

And this brings us back to the lost art of “dinner time”. When Canada was ranked in terms of eating main meals several times a week as a family, Canada ranked 8th out of the 25 countries, again way too close to the bottom. We did even worse when the study asked our children if they spend time talking to their parents each week; we ranked almost at the bottom of the list (Canada ranked 23rd out of 25 countries). Fair or not fair, as busy as we are in getting them the things they “need”, if we want our children to feel close enough to tell us when things go right or wrong we need to be in their thoughts, their space and in their lives. Spending quality time with our children gives them the message that they really matter and can clearly affect life satisfaction.

So, with all that the new school year brings, in order to maintain those warm and close feelings we had this summer with our children - or if we want to build that relationship we dreamed of having with them - we need to put our fast paced lives on hold several times each week and have a meal together (with lots of time to talk and listen to each other’s lives), bring back family game night, and take some time to take a walk with them as we crunch those fall leaves beneath our feet. DM believes that families matter and that time spent together keeps our children close and connected so they will come to us when troubles come their way. Bon appétit!

Sincerely, DM Family & School Services www.dmfamilyschool.com / Visit us on Facebook!